Laurie Harvey explains what’s going on when we feel stressed, how to be aware of it and what we can do to help ourselves.

Stress can be described as being in a situation where we want something we can’t have or when we have something that we don’t want.

If we’re emotionally strong and we want something we don’t already have, stress can motivate us to work towards achieving our goals or we’re motivated to get away from something we don’t want.

When we’re emotionally strong this system keeps us away from danger and takes us towards rewards.

This is where stress is helpful in motivating us to achieve the things we want and avoid things we don’t want and life feels generally in balance and in control.

If we’re not so emotionally strong and/or lack confidence or self- esteem we can feel stressed in situations where we think we’re going to look stupid, fail or let someone down. This might be taking exams, doing interviews, public speaking, going to large events with lots of people we don’t know etc.

If we attempt to do something while feeling stressed the next time we’re in a similar situation we’ll start to feel anxious, unsafe and uncomfortable as our unconscious mind will try to stop us from doing something that’s it’s afraid that we’ll fail at.

Over time this can prevent us from going to work, going to school, or socialising – any situation where we feel we don’t have a sense of control.

When we experience stress our thoughts focus more on the things that can go wrong or the things we think we can’t do which increases our anxiety or flight/flight response even more.

We can be frightened by the negative thoughts, strong emotions and uncomfortable feelings that anxiety can generate.

The more we worry about or focus on the thoughts, the emotions and feelings the more they can spiral out of control and the more they can cling, stick and become repetitive.

Thoughts and feelings that are generated by stress and anxiety can motivate us to withdraw from our normal lifestyle, and disconnect from people in an attempt to feel safer and less negatively judged.

This change will further undermine our confidence and our perceived ability to ever get out of the situation.

Stress and anxiety can cause us to feel as though we’re in danger when realistically we’re safe but lack confidence.

For instance, you might be afraid to go to work in case you make a mistake. It may feel dangerous to ask someone to meet up with you because you might be rejected. You may be afraid to speak in public because you’re afraid of being judged as stupid.

When you’re anxious it can feel as though your life is in danger, when its not.

The feelings are too strong for the nature of the challenge you’re facing.

Stress is a very normal response to everyday life, but if it starts to feel overwhelming take action sooner rather than later because you can probably prevent the stress cycle from increasing into anxiety.

Some strategies to help if you’re feeling stressed

  • If you’re struggling then talk to someone – really don’t keep it to yourself.
  • Talk to your friends, family or GP and/or seek help from a trained professional. Give someone an opportunity to help you – it’s an act of kindness.
  • To build confidence it’s important to start with baby, baby steps.
  • Challenge yourself by doing something very small that makes you feel uncomfortable but you know is really safe.
  • This will be different for everyone. Repeat it regularly until it no longer feels uncomfortable and then pick another small challenge that is safe but makes you feel uncomfortable and repeat that until you can do it comfortably. Gently, slowly, baby steps.

Here are some other things that can help with stress and anxiety.

  • Exercise reduces the negative effects of stress and improves your mood.
  • Exercise also increases blood flow to the brain and makes us more effective in all areas of our life.
  • Healthy eating is very important for optimum brain function.
  • Sleep is vital for prime brain activity.
  • Stay connected to people around you.
  • Make time to relax and do things that you enjoy.

You can contact Laurie by email at laurie@laurieharvey.co.uk or call Reception on 01483 527945 and we can ask her to contact you.

photo: pexels.com Pedro Figueras