“People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.”
When you understand which category a person falls into, you’ll know what to do with that relationship—
whether to cherish the lesson they brought (reason),
enjoy the time you have together (season),
or nurture the long-term connection (lifetime).
Navigating Adult Friendships
As a therapist, I’ve spent many hours helping clients navigate the complex landscape of adult friendships. Unlike family relationships or romantic partnerships, friendships exist in a unique space. They’re voluntary connections—often deeply meaningful—but they also require ongoing care, communication, and mutual investment.
Two of the most challenging friendship issues I see clients struggle with are:
- Being ghosted
- Learning to let go of friendships that no longer serve them
Let’s talk about both.
The Ghosting Phenomenon: When Friends Disappear
In our hyper-connected world, ghosting has become an increasingly common way people handle relationship discomfort. When a friend suddenly stops responding, cancels plans repeatedly, or disappears without explanation, it can leave you feeling confused, hurt, and questioning your own worth.
Understanding Why People Ghost
Ghosting often says more about the other person’s coping skills than it does about you.
People ghost because of:
- Anxiety around confrontation
- Emotional overwhelm or burnout
- Major life changes they can’t explain
- Difficulty communicating shifting needs
Understanding this doesn’t excuse the behaviour or erase the hurt—but it can help you avoid internalising the rejection.
How to Respond When You’ve Been Ghosted
- Give it time and space
Before assuming you’ve been ghosted, consider what else may be happening. Mental health struggles, family issues, or work stress can cause temporary withdrawal. Give it a week or two. - Send one clear, kind message
If the silence continues, send a single non-accusatory message that leaves the door open:
“Hi …, it’s been a while since we last caught up. I hope you’re doing well. If you need space, I understand, but I wanted you to know I’m here if you’d like to talk.”
- Resist the urge to pursue relentlessly
Multiple messages, comments, or asking mutual friends to intervene often pushes people further away. One message is enough. - Focus on what you can control
You can’t force communication—but you can choose how you respond. Strengthen other relationships, invest in self-care, and reflect on what you need from friendships. - Allow yourself to grieve
Being ghosted can trigger feelings of rejection and abandonment. Those feelings are real and valid. Grieving without self-blame is part of healing.
Letting Go of Friendships That No Longer Serve You
Some friendships naturally reach the end of their season. You may grow in different directions, shift your values, or find that the relationship feels draining rather than supportive.
Letting go doesn’t mean the friendship failed. It means you’ve changed.
Signs It May Be Time to Let Go
- The relationship feels consistently one-sided
- Your values have significantly diverged
- You feel drained, anxious, or depleted after interactions
- You’ve both changed in ways that no longer align
None of this requires blame. It’s a normal part of life.
How to Let Go Kindly
Acknowledge the friendship’s value
Appreciate what the relationship gave you in its meaningful season. Gratitude doesn’t require continuation.
Create gradual distance
You don’t need a dramatic conversation. Respond less, decline invitations, and stop initiating. A natural fade allows adjustment on both sides.
Be honest if asked directly
If the distance is noticed, you can respond with kindness and clarity:
“I think we’ve both changed and are in different places now. That’s normal. I really wish you well, and maybe we’ll reconnect again in the future.”
Avoid burning bridges unnecessarily
Unless the relationship was harmful, there’s no need for final declarations or conflict. Leave room for life to surprise you.
Redirect your energy
Use the emotional space you’ve created to deepen relationships that nourish and support you.
Creating Healthier Friendship Patterns
- Be selective with your inner circle
Not every connection needs to be deep. Different levels of friendship are healthy. - Communicate your needs clearly
Express boundaries and expectations instead of hoping others will guess. - Maintain friendships intentionally
Check in, celebrate wins, and show up when you can. - Accept seasonality
Not all friendships are meant to last forever—and that’s not a failure.
A Therapeutic Perspective on Friendship Transitions
How we handle friendship changes often reflects deeper patterns around:
- Attachment style
- Self-worth
- People-pleasing tendencies
- Fear of abandonment
- Difficulty with boundaries or communication
If you notice these patterns repeating, therapy can be a powerful space to explore them.
Healthy friendships should enhance your life—not consistently complicate it.
Key Takeaways
- People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime
- Friendship challenges are opportunities for growth
- You deserve reciprocal, respectful relationships
- It’s okay to outgrow people
- Quality matters more than quantity
- Support is available when this feels overwhelming
Moving Forward with Intention
The goal isn’t to avoid hurt—it’s to build resilience and wisdom. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is lovingly release a connection that no longer serves either of you.
That’s how you create space for relationships that truly support your growth and authenticity.
If you’re struggling with friendship issues or repeating relationship patterns, you’re not alone. You’re welcome to reach out for a free discovery call to explore how I may be able to help.
