Christmas can be one of the most wonderful times of the year. An opportunity to meet up with family and friends that we haven’t seen for a long time. But it can also mean spending time around people who feel difficult, or who we’re not so happy to be near.
Office parties can be fun, but there’s usually someone we’d prefer to avoid.
Meeting up with a group of friends often means there’s someone in the group who gets on our nerves.
Family and loved ones sometimes bring people along that we wouldn’t choose to be with.
Even people we love can bring up uncomfortable feelings, especially if we’re around them for long periods of time.
So how can we get through Christmas without being upset by anyone, and without allowing them to ruin our good time?
Remember: Their behaviour is about them, not you
The key to maintaining peace and goodwill around difficult people is recognising that what they say or do is about them and has very little to do with you.
Most people behave the way they do because of their own fears, thoughts, and feelings, often shaped by past experiences.
People often behave the way they do because:
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They learned early on that being loud was the only way to be heard.
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They were criticised regularly, so now they criticise first to protect themselves.
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They grew up around tension, so conflict feels familiar and even normal.
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They never learned emotional regulation, so their feelings spill out onto others.
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They were made to feel small, so they overcompensate by taking up too much space.
Most of these patterns happen unconsciously. They’re not intentionally trying to upset you. They’re reacting from a place that was created long before you were in the picture.
We all behave the way we do as a result of what we’ve learned from past experience, whether good, bad, or indifferent. We’re all a mixture of those things.
So when others are being difficult, try not to take what they say personally. Remind yourself that you are only responsible for your own behaviour, not how others behave.
When you recognise that people are projecting their view of the world based on their experiences, you become more resilient, and their words and behaviour don’t carry as much weight.
Sometimes the same thing happens for us, too. Someone’s tone, expression, or behaviour can unintentionally tap into a memory, an old hurt, or a part of us that hasn’t fully healed. In those moments, uncomfortable feelings may be triggered by their words or actions, but this has less to do with them and more to do with our own experiences.
Lead with kindness, but keep your boundaries
Be kind and gentle, because you really don’t know what someone else has lived through to make them behave the way they do.
Kindness doesn’t mean being a pushover. You can remain dignified and compassionate while using calm, firm responses. Practise changing the subject or using phrases like:
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“Let’s talk about something else.”
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“I understand how you feel, but I’d rather not talk about this right now.”
Practical things you can do in the moment
Here are some grounded, simple actions that can help you stay calm and in control:
✨ Take a deep breath before you respond
A slow breath helps your brain move out of stress mode and back into clarity.
✨ Excuse yourself gracefully
You don’t need a big explanation. A simple, “I’m just going to get some air,” is enough.
✨ Plan your breathing space in advance
Find a quiet spot, such as a hallway, garden, or even the bathroom, where you can reset if needed.
✨ Use the neutral topic pivot
Gently steer the conversation somewhere lighter:
“Have you got any plans for the New Year?”
“What are you watching at the moment?”
“How’s your week been?”
✨ Set time limits if that protects your peace
Shorter, calmer visits are often better than longer, stressful ones.
✨ Have an ally if you’re attending with someone
Let them know you may need a quick interruption or change of topic.
✨ Keep reminding yourself: you don’t have to absorb their mood
Your only job is to take care of your energy.
Be gentle, with them and with yourself
You never know what someone has lived through or what shaped the way they behave. And they may not know what shaped you, either. When you approach challenging people with softness and patience, while still holding your boundaries, you protect your peace and your wellbeing.
Acts of kindness trigger serotonin, endorphins, and oxytocin. Those helpful chemicals that support calm, connection, and emotional balance.
So if someone at your Christmas gathering behaves in a way that feels unkind or difficult, remember they are doing the best they can with the emotional tools they have. Nothing more.
Take a breath.
Step away when you need to.
Respond with calm clarity.
And keep choosing the peace you deserve.
Wishing you a very happy Christmas x
