I am the youngest of my mother’s four children, all born at home, unassisted and without pain relief or stitches.  Her sister, my Aunt, has four children, all free-birthed at home.  My sister birthed her five children without pain relief, as did my Grandmother her four children.  I grew up surrounded by positive experiences of birth.  I assumed I would birth the same way.

However, the birth of our eldest son five years ago did not go according to my plan to have a completely natural birth.  I was extremely anxious, although I considered myself to be well prepared.  I had hoped to give birth without pain relief, but ended up with Entonox, Pethedine and an epidural.  This led to an assisted delivery and episiotomy.  From birth, our son was tense and my slow and frustrating recovery, coupled with my own feelings of anxiety, did nothing to help calm him.  I felt disappointed and resigned myself to the idea that perhaps that was how I birthed, and I moved on.

During my pregnancy with our next child three years later, I prepared more thoroughly – going to yoga and practising relaxation techniques.  We planned a home birth, as I thought this would help me to relax and because I didn’t want to repeat my first experience.  However, at five centimetres I was progressing slowly and finding the pain unbearable.  I requested a transfer to hospital and again had an epidural.  I delivered our son unassisted, but my labour was long.  He was a calmer baby, but I felt bemused as to how this had happened again.  I had again found it painful and this didn’t seem right to me.  I had needed an epidural and I didn’t like the way it had affected my labour and delivery, my body afterwards and my baby.  But again I put it down to not being able to fully relax, and having a low pain threshold.  I wondered how the women in my family, along with millions of other women around the globe and from time immemorial, were able to birth their babies joyously and with no pain relief, and felt confused as to why it could not be so for me.  I felt disappointed in myself.

At 26 weeks pregnant with our third child I began to feel afraid about the birth to come.  I dreaded the inevitable pain of the contractions and wondered how I could possibly get out of it.  Still, I knew I did not want an epidural, and wondered how I would ever cope with the pain.  One evening while on the computer I typed ‘fear of childbirth’ into my search engine to see if other women out there were dreading their impending labours as much as I was.  By chance, I found a link to something called ‘HypnoBirthing®’ which people were raving about.  I went to the UK website and was immediately intrigued.  I read pages of testimonials from mothers who said they had birthed their babies without fear or pain.  It was what I wanted, and what I felt birth should be like.  I found a practitioner near me and phoned her the same evening.   After an hour-long conversation I knew I wanted to do the HypnoBirthing® course and we arranged a schedule of five evening sessions.

Helen explained that HypnoBirthing® is a course designed to teach you to bring yourself into a deep state of relaxation in order to allow your body to birth naturally and without pain or fear.  Some people can achieve this state of mind naturally on their own.  Others, like me, need help to relax fully and this is what I hoped HypnoBirthing® would give me.

Before we began the course, I had an optional individual hypnotherapy / Journey session with Helen, our HypnoBirthing® practitioner, and this helped me to begin to let go of the association I had made between birth and fear, and changed how I dealt with the stresses within the family.

At our first session Helen gave us a relaxation CD to listen to every day.  It really helped me to learn how to relax deeply and it became an invaluable part of my daily routine.  There were times when I listened to it two or three times a day.

During the sessions I was able to talk through my anxieties as they arose.  Helen’s obstetric knowledge and practical information addressed each issue, and her assurances helped me to get into a state of mind of self belief and confidence that I could have a comfortable and enjoyable birth.

After the first session I noticed a shift in my general wellbeing and state of mind.  I discovered that I was less reactive to daily stresses and more able to let go of tension. I noticed increased patience with my children; I was less tired at the end of each day, less anxious and did not have the tedious and frustrating insomnia I had endured in my previous pregnancies.  I listened on a daily basis to the relaxation CD and affirmations, I practised the breathing techniques, and my husband and I practised our relaxation techniques together.  It was making a significant difference to me, and I felt that the baby (and my husband!) appreciated the calm too.

I really enjoyed my pregnancy and began to feel really excited about the labour, which was in stark contrast to my initial feelings of fear and dread.  Again we planned a home birth and bought a birthing pool, but again it was not to be.  At 40 weeks and three days I began to experience severe itching on my hands and feet.  A blood test confirmed that I had developed Obstetric Choleostasis, a maternal liver complaint that can endanger the baby by affecting its blood supply.  The baby would have to be monitored throughout the labour, and I went into hospital the next day, where they induced me immediately.

This turn of events was sudden and unexpected, and I was frightened that the induction would set off a chain of events which might spiral out of my control and into all too familiar territory of epidurals and assisted delivery.  My husband encouraged me to relax and I listened to the relaxation track and began to breathe to bring me to a still point.  I slipped quickly into a relaxed state, and mentally and physically let go.  Within two hours of having the Prostin pessary I was experiencing sensations and they felt glorious!  We went for a walk; I had a quick sleep and a big dinner and when the midwife examined me at 5pm, to my utter amazement I was five centimetres dilated and ready to go to the delivery room.  At this point with the boys I was crippled with pain and my epidurals were on their way!  The fact that I was comfortable and actually having a really good time filled me with confidence and I practically skipped into the delivery room.

We got in and set up the room: dim lights, CD player, lovely massaging from my husband.  I lay on my side on the bed, where I was really comfortable (controversially, there is no evidence that being upright whilst labouring to full dilation is better for the mother) and let the surges wash over me.  They were intense and strong and I mentally willed myself to stay limp and relaxed.  As my labour progressed my surges became very intense and powerful. I recall two of them specifically.  As the building sensation began, I tensed up and immediately the sensation was painful, whereas before I can say with honesty that they were not painful at all.  This little insight made me relax even more and get back into my relaxed state of mind.  I understood at that moment that I must surrender completely to have the experience I wanted – to labour and birth on my own and to enjoy it.  I could not fight it.  I had to go with it and let my body take over completely.

A little after this point, I requested gas and air.  I felt that the surges at their peak were becoming very intense, I began to feel shaky and I told my husband that I didn’t want to relax any more!  Why was I falling apart now, when I had done so well?  I took the gas and air.  Later examination revealed that I had reached ten centimetres and I was experiencing the ‘transition phase’.  Looking back, I regret asking for gas and air (Entonox) because it was more a hindrance than a help.  It was awkward to use and took my concentration away from my breathing.  It kept slipping round and falling from my hand and the midwife had to keep reminding me how to use it which broke my state of relaxation.

Nevertheless, and even in my deeply relaxed state, I knew I had never got this far before without an epidural, and I was elated and proud.

When I felt the urge to push I was really excited, as I had never felt it before, having been numb from the waist down the previous times.  I was surprised by the power of the instinct to push.  In order to allow the baby a slow, gradual, calm entry into the world and to allow time for it to turn and avoid perineal tearing, the HypnoBirthing® technique is to breathe the baby down gently.  I stood, unsupported and breathed and enjoyed the feeling of the baby descending (honestly!).  The sensations were good: productive, not painful.  I did not scream, cry or swear.  Within ten minutes I was holding our daughter in my arms and I cannot put into words how elated I felt at that moment that I had finally got the birth I wanted: calm, comfortable, pain-free and with no tearing or stitches.  It was an amazing experience, especially after my other labours.  This time there was no pain and no fear – just birth.

Madeleine is a calm, relaxed and contented baby.  Nothing fazes her.  Whilst we will never know if this is a result of her calm birth, there are many experts who believe that one’s birth experience has some impact on the personality, and we firmly believe this to be true with our children.

Since Madeleine’s birth in February, I have been requested to speak to other mothers-to-be about my experience of HypnoBirthing®.  I tell people, at the risk of sounding evangelical, that it has changed my life.  The most significant change for me was really learning to relax and let go in the face of something overwhelming and to trust that this makes everything easier.  I vividly recall those painful surges when I tensed up, compared with those I drifted through and actually enjoyed.

Applying the same theory to every area of my life has transformed me from a tense, stressed out, reactive person into someone who can cope when things are overwhelming.  When all three children are crying or needing something at the same time I try to relax and let go, and so far we are all still alive and enjoying life!  Some people are naturally relaxed and laid back; I wasn’t, but thanks to this experience I now have the tools to be so, and every time I let it all wash over me I silently congratulate myself and feel thankful for the day when I typed ‘fear of birth’ into my search engine, met Helen and started HypnoBirthing®!